I just finished reading the No Cry Discipline Solution, one of the many books authored by Elizabeth Pantley, and I can honestly say that this is the single most important book that a mother should read, after the obvious What to Expect When You are Expecting.  As you know my daughter is Autistic (low spectrum) so I follow several sites regarding Autism, and Connie Hammer who is a parenting coach recommended this book.  I quickly ran to the library to get it.  I am always looking for a better way of handling the behavioral challenges that I face with my daughter, not only from her Autism, but because I have had ZERO experience with children prior to having her. I didn’t know what to expect with my daughter and for the better part of well… 5 years, I’ve felt completely inadequate and in the dark.

The book started out with correcting my outlook on discipline, by talking about the old aged theories and myths and then provided me with a better more appropriate view and attitude on the very behavioral challenges that I face with Kayla.

It broke down several causes for the behavior problem, bringing me down to my daughters view of things.  It was such an eye opener. So many things we take for granted such as not enough sleep, boredom, enough food, or even their frustration with life, which we can so totally take for granted, can cause the tantrums and arguments.

“Your child’s misbehaviors are a direct result of the fact that she cannot control her emotions.” was a powerful statement to read as Mrs Pantley also compared the very situation to adults. How many times have we as adults not be able to control our emotions? (definitely more than I’d like to admit) So why do I expect it from somebody who has been in this world for only 5 years?

Not to mention my husband always says that when my daughter and I argue we are totally feeding off each other which Mrs Pantley points out: “You would be stunned to know how many negative behaviors you actually prevent from happening when you improve the way you interact with your child.”.

All of this information is just in the first two chapters. The really good stuff comes further on where Mrs Pantley breaks down very specific situations such as bossiness, problems when they are in the car, biting, school, and my personal favorite… interrupting, and provides you with what to do and what NOT to do. I admit there were several “NOT’S” that I have been doing but am correcting those now.

She also discusses dealing with our own anger issues by pointing out the ways you might be feeding fuel to the fire, while also providing you with a 6 step control plan.  It truly is amazing how much we can get off track and cause more of our own problems without even realizing it.

So as I said before I can’t recommend this book enough. I still flip through and re-read bits and pieces in it every morning just so I can help remind myself to see things from my daughters eyes, and to retrain my way of thinking and dealing with what is going on with her. Too often we get wrapped up in our own mind, our own frustrations of the world at our adult level, and we forget or simply write off the “problems” a 5 year old has to face.

Thank you Mrs Pantley for shedding light on all of these issues and helping this mom have a better handle on discipline.

Tomorrow April 15th is the 8th Annual Blow Bubbles 4 Autism event started by the nonprofit organization FACES Autism Support Network out of southern New Jersey.  They are trying to break a Guinness World Record.

Now where this is technically a New Jersey thing, how cool would it be for the whole world to blow bubbles at the same time everywhere? Sorta like the Light it up Blue movement.

So get your bubbles ready and at 10 am EST, tomorrow blow like a wild child!

As you all know my Little Poptart ~ Kalya was diagnosed with Autism.  It was on Nov 17, 2007.  It still amazes me that I remember that date so exact yet I can’t remember what the hell I did last week.  Anyway… we, like so many others in New Jersey, were referred by her amazing pediatrician Dr. Mabagos to Early Intervention.  At that time Kayla was only saying DaDa and Dr. J (as Kayla calls him) was concerned.  We gave it one extra month to see if she would come around, because naturally I blamed her “not speaking thing” on myself.

Finally, we called Early Intervention and they came out to do an initial evaluation. I still remember trying so hard not to defend her abilities, or cry as they sat there with her on the floor getting her to do different tasks.  ”They are so mean, they aren’t giving her long enough to try, they give her the toy and then they rip it away.,” I said to my husband.  He tried to console me, as he told me they aren’t being mean, they are trying to do their job.  When it was all done they did recommend us for speech and occupational therapy services through them and that we should also contact Children’s Specialized Hospital for an Autism Evaluation.  She was showing some autistic tendencies, such as lining up things, lack of attention, and no eye contact.

(insert mouth drop followed by bad mouthing them after they left)

I waited a day to calm down and then I called.  I did a phone screening with a woman from Children’s Specialized.  I advised her everything Early Intervention had said, while also defending my daughter’s tendencies.  She finally set us up with a prescreening evaluation at the hospital.  Kayla sat with another woman who did the same kind of testing Early Intervention did with giving simple commands with toys to see if she would follow the directions, or show any interest in them.  She almost passed us through as a “normal” 2 year old, but out of no where I spoke up regarding some of her behaviors.

Behaviors now that I can’t even really remember.  Most of the early days are plagued with feelings of utter disappointment in myself that I wasn’t a good enough mother, not doing enough for her, not affectionate enough, didn’t play enough with her, etc.   I had no idea what I was doing. This was my first child, and I felt very much alone, angry and exhausted. We now realize I should have been seen for post partum depression.

We live and learn.

Because of my concerns, the Children’s Specialized hospital counselor decided to send us on for the official team evaluation.  There we met with several therapists that studied Kayla for hours, asked us a gazillion questions, and then came back in to meet with us.  With a mild upbeat manner, the team coordinator advised us…

“We are going to go ahead and diagnois her with Autism Spectrum Disorder.”

I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest or that I was having a heart attack.  The tears were right there, along with a massive lump in my throat. I wasn’t going to be able to hold back anymore, and at the moment I opened my mouth to ask my first question the tears began falling. At that time all I knew of Autism, as with so many other parents, is of the child sitting in the corner banging their head against a wall. The therapist advised that those are the most extreme cases. I was very lucky, they said Kayla is very low spectrum and they were going to set us up with occupational therapy and speech.  I took the rest of that day to process, and cry.  Then I was on the phone the very next day making appointments.  I, to everyones surprise, had her in the very next week.  We were blessed with Ms. Elke and Ms. Patty at Children’s Specialized in Toms River, who not only helped teach Kayla, but also was there for me as well. They listened to me, they talked to me and they taught me what I needed to know so that I could carry  over the therapy at home, which would make a great impact on beating this.  In addition the sessions at Children’s Specialized, she still had the Early Intervention coming into the house until she turned 3 and was then transferred to a special preschool program at our public school.  There we were blessed with Mrs. Kasper who was the sweetest thing ever.  Her and Kayla made such a connection and she was able to teach her so much.  Kayla says she wants to be a teacher like Mrs. Kasper when she grows up.

I see now why the team coordinator at Children’s Specialized was not sad by giving us the diagnosis. Because of that diagnosis we were able to get all the right kind of help and so much of it.  Kayla has come so very far from where she was.  She is always laughing, playing, singing, dancing, smiling, and, I am pleased to say is now more than making up for her delayed speech in the past.  She is a total social butterfly who is currently transitioning into kindergarden, is reading at a 3rd grade level and loves helping me cook and keep daddy and our four cats in line.

♫[singsong-insert:http://www.oneblondesramblings.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Oh-Mr-Sun-as-Sung-By-Kayla.m4a] ♫

Thank you so very much to all of Kayla’s teachers and therapists as well as to ALL of the men and women who are out there making it their life mission to help in changing the lives of our children and ourselves so that Autism won’t beat us.

April 1st and 2nd will be the National Autism Awareness Campaign of Light It Up Blue.  Check out this amazing video of a class of students recording the Light it Up Blue Song.  I tweeted about this a couple of weeks ago, its an amazing song, and the kids are just awesome.  Those of you with children on the spectrum, will probably shed a tear when the chorus starts singing, as I did but you still just gotta see it.

I have my blue light outside and you don’t need to just use it for those two days, I use mine all the time.  Go to http://www.lightitupblue.org/page/s/liubpledge and take the pledge, then go get your blue light.  Spread the word about autism, and hopefully someday we can find a cure to this bizarre condition plaguing our kids. Enjoy~

Ok, so I know I put a post in before reminding readers when the movie would be airing, however I actually missed it.  So I finally broke down and rented it, I had been putting it off afraid it was going to make me cry in some way, based on the commercials.

I am pleased to say it did not make me cry.  It did move me in several other ways, it made me feel hopeful and positive, it angered me at points, and made me chuckle too as I rooted for her.  When I say anger me I am referring to the utter stupidity and ignorance of the ranch hands, and people that made fun of her so cruelly.  It disgusts me sometimes how cruel and hateful the world is.

I am glad it did not make me cry, in fact it was a rather happy movie, and Claire Danes did an amazing job!   I loved the scenes where Temple got one over on those against her, and seeing how far she has come and how much she has accomplished, she is the epitome of an amazing role model for everyone, especially those in the Autism community.  She gives me such hope that my little baby will not be held back or unable to open her “doors” to all that she too wants in life, due to this disability called Autism.

I bow to you Temple, and commend you for opening all your “doors”!

I can not take full credit for the idea, I got it from Kayla’s preschool teacher.  However, I did upgrade its design in my crafty way.  Using about $5 dollars in supplies from our local craft store- AC Moore.  I took a picture of Kayla, cut it out, laminated it and glued it to a little wooden girl shape and put a magnet on the back.

Then you create the sections, Green=Good, yellow, Red=Bad.

The idea is to stay in Green, however if we are yelled at 2 times for something, the 3rd time is straight to timeout, and we are moved into yellow.  We stay there.

If we are yelled at again for something 2 more times, as before the 3rd time they are sent straight to timeout, and moved into red.  With red, we also loose a toy or a privilege for the rest of the day.

I would say it took 2 days of this to get thru, but after, we don’t usually see the red anymore.  Its quite effective, because from what I am learning with autism etc.  the visual makes it more clear for them.  Its right there, in their face.  Now I have also added that after the time out buzzer goes off, (I usually give 10 min) I ask if she understands why she was put in timeout.  If she replies no, then I explain using short sentences, ex: You were using fresh talk, or because you were not being a good listener, or you were arguing with mommy, etc., and those are bad behaviors.

Another thing I also picked up from our OT therapist, is that I no longer say “you were being a bad girl” its a self esteem breaker.  Instead say “you were making a bad choice.”

For the past four years, getting anywhere near my daughters feet has been out of the question.  I clip her nails usually at night when she’s asleep, otherwise there is a major meltdown.  It has been a major sensory obstacle for her.  However this morning out of the blue, she notices my toes are painted from my last pedicure and says she wants to paint her toes too… ~OMG!!!!  Naturally I said sure, this was HUGE!  So I let her pick out a color, and she actually let me paint her toes, with NO squirming or screaming.  I am sooo excited (obviously) that I texted everyone and then felt it necessary to create this post also  haha.  Finished product:

Just read my newsletter from Generation Rescue, and they are in the running for the Pepsi Refresh Project.  They are trying to win to be able to provide support to families who can not afford some of the expensive treatment that could help their children’s autism. Please go vote!    www.refresheverything.com/generationrescue

Spread the word that it is Autism Awareness Month in April.  Wear blue today to show your support.  Lets help get the word out, so they can find the reason and the cure for this horrible disorder plaguing our youth.  Some great sites to check out for more information are:

www.autismspeaks.org

www.autism-society.org

www.generationrescue.org

Premiers February 6th at 8pm.

Click the poster below to view the trailer