I just finished reading the No Cry Discipline Solution, one of the many books authored by Elizabeth Pantley, and I can honestly say that this is the single most important book that a mother should read, after the obvious What to Expect When You are Expecting. As you know my daughter is Autistic (low spectrum) so I follow several sites regarding Autism, and Connie Hammer who is a parenting coach recommended this book. I quickly ran to the library to get it. I am always looking for a better way of handling the behavioral challenges that I face with my daughter, not only from her Autism, but because I have had ZERO experience with children prior to having her. I didn’t know what to expect with my daughter and for the better part of well… 5 years, I’ve felt completely inadequate and in the dark.
The book started out with correcting my outlook on discipline, by talking about the old aged theories and myths and then provided me with a better more appropriate view and attitude on the very behavioral challenges that I face with Kayla.
It broke down several causes for the behavior problem, bringing me down to my daughters view of things. It was such an eye opener. So many things we take for granted such as not enough sleep, boredom, enough food, or even their frustration with life, which we can so totally take for granted, can cause the tantrums and arguments.
“Your child’s misbehaviors are a direct result of the fact that she cannot control her emotions.” was a powerful statement to read as Mrs Pantley also compared the very situation to adults. How many times have we as adults not be able to control our emotions? (definitely more than I’d like to admit) So why do I expect it from somebody who has been in this world for only 5 years?
Not to mention my husband always says that when my daughter and I argue we are totally feeding off each other which Mrs Pantley points out: “You would be stunned to know how many negative behaviors you actually prevent from happening when you improve the way you interact with your child.”.
All of this information is just in the first two chapters. The really good stuff comes further on where Mrs Pantley breaks down very specific situations such as bossiness, problems when they are in the car, biting, school, and my personal favorite… interrupting, and provides you with what to do and what NOT to do. I admit there were several “NOT’S” that I have been doing but am correcting those now.
She also discusses dealing with our own anger issues by pointing out the ways you might be feeding fuel to the fire, while also providing you with a 6 step control plan. It truly is amazing how much we can get off track and cause more of our own problems without even realizing it.
So as I said before I can’t recommend this book enough. I still flip through and re-read bits and pieces in it every morning just so I can help remind myself to see things from my daughters eyes, and to retrain my way of thinking and dealing with what is going on with her. Too often we get wrapped up in our own mind, our own frustrations of the world at our adult level, and we forget or simply write off the “problems” a 5 year old has to face.
Thank you Mrs Pantley for shedding light on all of these issues and helping this mom have a better handle on discipline.